"I LOVE YOU" saying these 3
little words have become so casual that I actually forgot its REAL meaning.
Sometimes we see love as being protective about
family, hope for an understanding partner, some cheerful moments with friends
or need of a physical relationship. But is it all that explains LOVE? I believe- NO. Very often I argue with my partner for small
things, fight without reason. But I failed to discover whether it was my love
or ego.
Yesterday
night, I thought my relationship is heading towards which direction? I see
myself badly bugged up in certain family issues. I admit that I am so much
involved in my small problems that I neglect rest of the world. So, I decided
to be nice and courteous to people around me. I believe by being good to others,
I can bring out the best in myself. Not even 24 hours have passed, I repeated 1
of my mistakes of being rude to the person I say I am in love with. Still we
had some happy hours and I came back home. I failed to make up things well, not
even for a single day.
I do everything according to my mood, with
lot of expectations from my partner. I recall a few moments when my
expectations were hurt. May be level of understanding in my relation is
lacking. May be my partner is capable enough to hurt me. But what did I do?????
When I look at myself, I found that a million times I was at my worst. There
are few points I analyzed which were surrounded by complaints.
1. "I love you"
means I accept you for the person you are. I failed here because I fight and
often complain when things are not according to my mood and taste.
2. "I love you" means I do not expect perfection from you just as you do
not expect it from me. Again I failed here, I know I am not perfect but I expected
perfection from my loved one.
3. "I love you" means I will stand by you always. I failed again because
in the beginning of my relation I made certain mistakes that were as harsh as
betrayal.
4. "I love you" means accepting your frustrated mood. I failed since I got
angry many times rather than being understanding.
5. "I love you" means moral support when you feel low. Here also I hold failure
because for me, my problems are so big that I was unable to boost your
confidence knowing that your problems are much more than mine.
6. "I love you" means that I know your deepest secrets and still I do not
judge you for them. This was again a failure, my partner has been an open book
to me, still I suspected.
7. "I love you" means that I care enough to fight for you keeping
everything at stake but will never let you go. This might probably turn out to
be the biggest failure, since I have to let go our relation. I do not want to
move ahead, but the norms of the society are so restricted that only feeling
are not sufficient to survive together.
My partner fulfilled all these conditions, but I didn’t. I believe,
now I have lost the right to love or be loved. It is high time, I realized
that love beholds expectations not complaints. Today, I am ashamed of being a
pathetic partner and a loser. I wanted to apologize. I know that my partner will
forgive me once again. But real apology needs realization and improvement.
-- RAHI, for the journey of life
