LOVE- feeling or responsibility?

"I LOVE YOU" saying these 3 little words have become so casual that I actually forgot its REAL meaning. 

Sometimes we see love as being protective about family, hope for an understanding partner, some cheerful moments with friends or need of a physical relationship. But is it all that explains LOVE?  I believe- NO.  Very often I argue with my partner for small things, fight without reason. But I failed to discover whether it was my love or ego.

 Yesterday night, I thought my relationship is heading towards which direction? I see myself badly bugged up in certain family issues. I admit that I am so much involved in my small problems that I neglect rest of the world. So, I decided to be nice and courteous to people around me. I believe by being good to others, I can bring out the best in myself. Not even 24 hours have passed, I repeated 1 of my mistakes of being rude to the person I say I am in love with. Still we had some happy hours and I came back home. I failed to make up things well, not even for a single day.

I do everything according to my mood, with lot of expectations from my partner. I recall a few moments when my expectations were hurt. May be level of understanding in my relation is lacking. May be my partner is capable enough to hurt me. But what did I do????? When I look at myself, I found that a million times I was at my worst. There are few points I analyzed which were surrounded by complaints.

1. "I love you" means I accept you for the person you are. I failed here because I fight and often complain when things are not according to my mood and taste.

2. "I love you" means I do not expect perfection from you just as you do not expect it from me. Again I failed here, I know I am not perfect but I expected perfection from my loved one.

3. "I love you" means I will stand by you always. I failed again because in the beginning of my relation I made certain mistakes that were as harsh as betrayal.

4. "I love you" means accepting your frustrated mood. I failed since I got angry many times rather than being understanding.

5. "I love you" means moral support when you feel low. Here also I hold failure because for me, my problems are so big that I was unable to boost your confidence knowing that your problems are much more than mine.

6. "I love you" means that I know your deepest secrets and still I do not judge you for them. This was again a failure, my partner has been an open book to me, still I suspected.

7. "I love you" means that I care enough to fight for you keeping everything at stake but will never let you go. This might probably turn out to be the biggest failure, since I have to let go our relation. I do not want to move ahead, but the norms of the society are so restricted that only feeling are not sufficient to survive together.

My partner fulfilled all these conditions, but I didn’t. I believe, now I have lost the right to love or be loved. It is high time, I realized that love beholds expectations not complaints. Today, I am ashamed of being a pathetic partner and a loser. I wanted to apologize. I know that my partner will forgive me once again. But real apology needs realization and improvement. 

                                                           -- RAHI, for the journey of life